Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
