No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
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