we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
