just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
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