I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
