How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
ttyl tear gas
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
