Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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