I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
