wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
