i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
