I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize