I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize