this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
