The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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