so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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