Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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