I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
