I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
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