i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
