after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
