My nipple is on Facebook.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
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