you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
The ass gains better be worth it
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize