would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
