We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
