Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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