This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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