You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
