if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
