so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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