Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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