I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Randomize
