im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
only you would photoshop your dick
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
