the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
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