Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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