I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
