I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
