i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Randomize