he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
