so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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