Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
