1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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