Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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