I wish I only lived at night.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
