You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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