I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize
