While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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