I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Please don't give away my fajitas
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
