i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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