In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
