i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
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