I showed him my bush... on skype.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
