She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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