i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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