just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
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