things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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