You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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