hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
