some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize
