Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
even my farts smell like vagina
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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