the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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