Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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