So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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