Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
