Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize