Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
