What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
