o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
