So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
