Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
