cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
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