the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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